Archive for February, 2013

My Jokes for the 2013 Oscars!

February 26, 2013

During the Oscars I was writing jokes for my freelance gig for a morning radio prep service. I figured I’d post them here so the world at large could enjoy them – even the ones the radio didn’t buy!

“Brave” won the Oscar for Best Animated Film. Voters picked “Brave” because they thought they were honoring anyone who sat all the way through Seth MacFarlane’s opening.

When accepting his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, Christoph Waltz quote dialogue from “Django Unchanged”. Even more impressive than winning an Oscar, he managed to find the only lines in the whole movie that didn’t use the “N-word.”

Seth MacFarlane’s opening monologue included references to “Star Trek”, “The Flying Nun” and “Smokey and the Bandit”. All of which were more current than any reference Seth’s ever included in an episode of “Family Guy”.

“Les Misérables” won the Oscar for Best Makeup. They did amazing work, but they still couldn’t do anything to touch up was Russell Crowe’s singing voice.

The opening of the Oscars included a number where Channing Tatum performed a dance with Charlize Theron in a tuxedo. It was as good as I imagined it would be. Except replace “Charlize Theron” with “me” and “tuxedo” with “purple rhinestone-studded jockstrap.”

“Paperman” won the Oscar for Best Animated Short. And Seth MacFarlane’s opening monologue won the Oscar for Best Un-Animated Long.

William Shatner took part in a filmed bit at the beginning of the Oscars. It was a strange choice for a ceremony that honors great acting. But not as strange as next week’s Great Boyfriend Awards opening with a race by Oscar Pistorius.

“Argo” won the Oscar for Best Editing. Mainly for the great job they did editing the “F” out of “Fargo”.

George Clooney introduced the “In Memoriam” segment of the Oscar show. First in the segment: George Clooney’s youth.

The Oscars included a salute to movie musicals and a performance by Barbra Streisand. And if you got excited about all that. . . congratulations on coming out of the closet!

Adele’s “Skyfall” won the Oscar for Best Original Song. Adele plans to put the statue in her mansion. . . the one she bought to keep all her other awards.

Daniel Day-Lewis became the first man to win three Oscars for Best Actor. Gauntlet tossed, Adam Sandler!

Watch “Top Story! Weekly Presents: Oscar Stories: “Beasts of the Southern Wild””!

February 23, 2013

This year Top Story! Weekly made a series of behind-the-scenes videos about each of the nine Best Picture nominees. The series is called “Oscar Stories” and they came out really, really well. You can watch all nine here. My contribution was this bit about the on-set tutor for Quvenzhané Wallis from “Beasts of the Southern Wild.”

TOP STORY! WEEKLY OSCAR STORIES: “BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD” by Michael Hughes

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Prudence Sternhart)

Directed by Phillip Wilburn

Watch “Genital Hospital” from Top Story! Weekly Episode 185: “Super Bowled Over!”

February 5, 2013

We all wish Ron Jeremy a swift recovery from his heart aneurysm. Of course, the prospect of the most famous male porn star ever going into an emergency room did have comic possibilities. Matt Epstein and I both wrote on this. Most of this sketch is Matt’s – “pantsectomy” is mine and a few other things. It is really funny, though, since the cast totally committed to it.

GENITAL HOSPITAL by Matthew Irving Epstein and Michael Hughes

Starring Phillip Wilburn (Ron Jeremy), Kipleigh Brown (Sexy Nurse), Stacy Rumaker (Slutty Nurse), Erich Eilenberger (Dr. Throbbins) and Josh Rachford (Pizza Guy)

Directed by Derek Reid


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