Top Reasons You’re Still Unemployed

The only special skill listed on your resume is burping the lyrics to “Call Me Maybe”.

Turns out that Shannen Doherty was lying in those commercials about the value of a college degree you get off the internet.

There’s no job that can use your only computer skill: finding free porn.

Even though you’re 34, Mom and Dad won’t let you borrow the keys to the minivan.

Instead of typing your resume, you pasted letters cut out of magazines and newspapers.

Responding to help wanted ads by sexting wasn’t such a good idea.

In interviews you always bring up your love of collecting Nazi paraphernalia.

Dressing like a Hooters waitress only works when you’re applying at Hooters. And female.

Your only references are Gary Busey and Amanda Bynes.

Your last job was writing speeches for Mitt Romney fundraisers.

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