During the Oscars I was writing jokes for my freelance gig for a morning radio prep service. I figured I’d post them here so the world at large could enjoy them – even the ones the radio didn’t buy!
“Brave” won the Oscar for Best Animated Film. Voters picked “Brave” because they thought they were honoring anyone who sat all the way through Seth MacFarlane’s opening.
When accepting his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, Christoph Waltz quote dialogue from “Django Unchanged”. Even more impressive than winning an Oscar, he managed to find the only lines in the whole movie that didn’t use the “N-word.”
Seth MacFarlane’s opening monologue included references to “Star Trek”, “The Flying Nun” and “Smokey and the Bandit”. All of which were more current than any reference Seth’s ever included in an episode of “Family Guy”.
“Les Misérables” won the Oscar for Best Makeup. They did amazing work, but they still couldn’t do anything to touch up was Russell Crowe’s singing voice.
The opening of the Oscars included a number where Channing Tatum performed a dance with Charlize Theron in a tuxedo. It was as good as I imagined it would be. Except replace “Charlize Theron” with “me” and “tuxedo” with “purple rhinestone-studded jockstrap.”
“Paperman” won the Oscar for Best Animated Short. And Seth MacFarlane’s opening monologue won the Oscar for Best Un-Animated Long.
William Shatner took part in a filmed bit at the beginning of the Oscars. It was a strange choice for a ceremony that honors great acting. But not as strange as next week’s Great Boyfriend Awards opening with a race by Oscar Pistorius.
“Argo” won the Oscar for Best Editing. Mainly for the great job they did editing the “F” out of “Fargo”.
George Clooney introduced the “In Memoriam” segment of the Oscar show. First in the segment: George Clooney’s youth.
The Oscars included a salute to movie musicals and a performance by Barbra Streisand. And if you got excited about all that. . . congratulations on coming out of the closet!
Adele’s “Skyfall” won the Oscar for Best Original Song. Adele plans to put the statue in her mansion. . . the one she bought to keep all her other awards.
Daniel Day-Lewis became the first man to win three Oscars for Best Actor. Gauntlet tossed, Adam Sandler!
This year Top Story! Weekly made a series of behind-the-scenes videos about each of the nine Best Picture nominees. The series is called “Oscar Stories” and they came out really, really well. You can watch all nine here. My contribution was this bit about the on-set tutor for Quvenzhané Wallis from “Beasts of the Southern Wild.”
TOP STORY! WEEKLY OSCAR STORIES: “BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD” by Michael Hughes
When Brett Ratner stepped down from producing next year’s Oscars due to some ill-advised comments, I thought that a scene set in the acting class we had done just the week before would be a good venue. And the real highlight of this sketch was the relationship between Phillip Wilburn’s Byron Shelbyford and Brent Pope’s put-upon Lee.
My second “Black Swan” sketch – here’s a link to the first – and I must say that I think this one is even better. When the controversy about Natalie Portman’s dance double broke I thought it might be a worthy subject for a sketch – and when my good friend Andy Trask happened to be in the TS!W cast that week, the option of having him play the dance double was just too great to pass up. This sketch really benefited from some great rewrites by Colin Contreary and Tom Repetto – the line about the mailbox is all Tom’s!
If we had to lose Elizabeth Taylor…at least it was in a week when the Top Story! Weekly cast including the amazing Artemis Pebdani to do her incredible impersonation! When trying to figure out how best to pay comic homage to Dame Elizabeth, the idea of reuniting her in heaven with Richard Burton was appealing. Using her friendship with Michael Jackson as a bridge I fashioned a little mini-“Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf,” with the help of a great rewrite from Phillip Wilburn (who came up with a spot-on Richard Burton impression), and the results were something I think is both respectful and pretty darn funny!
And what better place to watch the Oscars than on Hollywood Boulevard itself? So if you don’t have a ticket to the Kodak, head about a mile east to iO West to watch the show on the big screen in the Mainstage starting at 5:30!! Then stick around after the show for an all-new Top Story! Weekly with special guest Steve Wright, followed by an all-new Deskpiece Nation featuring writers from “Conan” and “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” iO West has a full bar (so it’s 21+ for Mainstage shows – bring your ID!) and will feature an Oscar night special – $5 Champagne splits. Plus iO West has valet parking right next door on Cosmo, so for just $5 with validation you won’t have to worry about all the restrictions that night!
And if you’re in Hollywood this Sunday night – why not check out the most entertaining event you’ll find on Hollywood Boulevard – a brand new episode of Top Story! Weekly, 9pm at iO West! iO West has a full bar (21 and over please – and please bring ID!) so you can come by at 7, watch the Oscars in the bar, and then head on into the theater at 9 for some great comedy!
Last year we posted a little guide to getting pleasantly buzzed with the help of the Academy Award ceremony that got a little bit of traffic on the Internet. Never being ones to let done our civic duty as members of the entertainment industry community, we at Big News have undertaken this task again. Now, we have a brand-new show Oscar night, starting at 9pm at iO West. And we’ve already provided you with a handy guide to parking restrictions and street closures on Sunday. So make sure your Oscar night plans include a stop at iO West – with a full bar in case you want to play along before “Big News.” Just make sure that if you’re imbibing, you make arrangements for someone else to drive, or take public transportation.
Mike Hughes' blog 
My Jokes for the 2013 Oscars!
February 26, 2013During the Oscars I was writing jokes for my freelance gig for a morning radio prep service. I figured I’d post them here so the world at large could enjoy them – even the ones the radio didn’t buy!
“Brave” won the Oscar for Best Animated Film. Voters picked “Brave” because they thought they were honoring anyone who sat all the way through Seth MacFarlane’s opening.
When accepting his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, Christoph Waltz quote dialogue from “Django Unchanged”. Even more impressive than winning an Oscar, he managed to find the only lines in the whole movie that didn’t use the “N-word.”
Seth MacFarlane’s opening monologue included references to “Star Trek”, “The Flying Nun” and “Smokey and the Bandit”. All of which were more current than any reference Seth’s ever included in an episode of “Family Guy”.
“Les Misérables” won the Oscar for Best Makeup. They did amazing work, but they still couldn’t do anything to touch up was Russell Crowe’s singing voice.
The opening of the Oscars included a number where Channing Tatum performed a dance with Charlize Theron in a tuxedo. It was as good as I imagined it would be. Except replace “Charlize Theron” with “me” and “tuxedo” with “purple rhinestone-studded jockstrap.”
“Paperman” won the Oscar for Best Animated Short. And Seth MacFarlane’s opening monologue won the Oscar for Best Un-Animated Long.
William Shatner took part in a filmed bit at the beginning of the Oscars. It was a strange choice for a ceremony that honors great acting. But not as strange as next week’s Great Boyfriend Awards opening with a race by Oscar Pistorius.
“Argo” won the Oscar for Best Editing. Mainly for the great job they did editing the “F” out of “Fargo”.
George Clooney introduced the “In Memoriam” segment of the Oscar show. First in the segment: George Clooney’s youth.
The Oscars included a salute to movie musicals and a performance by Barbra Streisand. And if you got excited about all that. . . congratulations on coming out of the closet!
Adele’s “Skyfall” won the Oscar for Best Original Song. Adele plans to put the statue in her mansion. . . the one she bought to keep all her other awards.
Daniel Day-Lewis became the first man to win three Oscars for Best Actor. Gauntlet tossed, Adam Sandler!
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