Top Reasons You’re Still Unemployed

The only special skill listed on your resume is burping the lyrics to “Call Me Maybe”.

Turns out that Shannen Doherty was lying in those commercials about the value of a college degree you get off the internet.

There’s no job that can use your only computer skill: finding free porn.

Even though you’re 34, Mom and Dad won’t let you borrow the keys to the minivan.

Instead of typing your resume, you pasted letters cut out of magazines and newspapers.

Responding to help wanted ads by sexting wasn’t such a good idea.

In interviews you always bring up your love of collecting Nazi paraphernalia.

Dressing like a Hooters waitress only works when you’re applying at Hooters. And female.

Your only references are Gary Busey and Amanda Bynes.

Your last job was writing speeches for Mitt Romney fundraisers.

Advertisement

Watch Elton John, George Michael, Lionel Richie and Ke$ha Singing About the Economic Crisis – with Drew Seeley and Hartley Sawyer from “Glory Daze” – from Top Story! Weekly Episode 117: “Dick in a Book”

When you have someone in your show who’s had a Top Five single on the Billboard charts, you want to have them sing! So we took a sketch concept we’ve done before, tweaked it a bit, and came up with this dynamite closer to the sketch portion of our show featuring Derek Reid “Dancing on the Ceiling” as Lionel Richie, Kipleigh Brown skanking it up as Ke$ha, and an awesome duet between Drew Seeley as George Michael and Phillip Wilburn as Elton John – plus Amy Seeley and Hartley Sawyer hosting. This was pretty great. Enjoy.

NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL ECONOMIC CRISIS MUSIC by Kristina Adelmeyer, Michael Hughes and Phillip Wilburn

Starring Amy Paffrath (Amy), Hartley Sawyer (Hartley), Derek Reid (Lionel Richie), Kipleigh Brown (Ke$ha), Drew Seeley (George Michael), and Phillip Wilburn (Elton John)

Directed by Michael Hughes